Throughout this election cycle it seemed like the United States was at war with itself. Never in any election I have ever witnessed, did things get so personal and so gosh darn ugly. Friends and family attacking each other and fighting on Facebook, in person, and every possible place imaginable. This election was an election that showed people's true colors and boy were some of them nasty. This election was a classic example of why we are told to never talk about religion or politics... it tears people apart.
To my dismay I saw friends cutting people out of their lives because of differing political opinions. I thought that the ugliness was all going to end when the election was over, but I was wrong. The United States is in a crucial and dangerous position. This is the most unrest I have experienced in my life time and it is terrifying... but I think that it could all be better if we would remember the bonds we all had before this election began.
Whether your candidate won or lost, your neighbor is still your neighbor... your friend is still your friend... your family is still your family... It is hard to fathom why something as minor as political views can dictate which people remain in your life. ALL of the candidates had flaws. ALL of the voters had flaws. ALL PEOPLE HAVE FLAWS. If you can't understand that or recognize that, you should probably take a step back and reevaluate a little.
My biggest complaint about politics is that people do not acknowledge their candidates flaws and weaknesses. They cannot and will not acknowledge the areas where they might not be the best option and may not be right. It is easy to acknowledge strengths and good things, but in order to have healthy political discussions and healthy relationships in general, we must be willing to admit where there are weaknesses and flaws. The reason people are losing their friends and families over politics is because instead of it being a discussion with concessions and open minds, it all becomes an argument with power struggles and open mouths. We are a nation built on diversity... so instead of trying to squash that diversity, what if we embraced it more? What if we listened to our neighbors ideas more? What if we tried to understand where the other side is coming from even if it does not make sense to us at first?
My Facebook news feed is still filled with UGLINESS and HATE on a DAILY basis. I'm seeing people attack the candidates physical appearances... I'm seeing people spewing hatred about different races, religions, countries, and more... I'm still seeing people posting outrageous, inaccurate, and biased stories and articles. I'm still seeing friends and family fighting and it's discouraging and saddening. How were you able to love each other and be kind to each other a year ago, but now the opinions of people you don't even know and will never meet (the candidates) are enough to make you cut the people you do know out of your life. How can you treat a person (that you have done life with and loved) poorly because of their support or lack of support for a person NEITHER OF YOU KNOW?
The unrest and hurt in our country isn't coming from our candidates... it's coming from us. It's coming from the common people. It is coming from our DAILY actions and the ways we are terribly mistreating each other. The unrest is coming from the HATE and PREJUDICE being spewed every single day. I will not share my personal political preference, but I will say that I am disappointed in the behavior of the people around me... not because of who they picked, but because of how they are sharing and defending that choice. It is okay to be proud of and defend your political choices, but it is not okay to spread hate and fear.
All I'm asking for from the people around me is to think about the other side. Think about where they might be coming from. I like to search for the goodness in people. In forming my own opinions about this election, I tried to find the pros and cons of both sides... I tried to understand why people were making the choices they were making, because all of the candidates had something to bring to the table.
Donald Trump will be the next president of the United States. If he was your choice, congratulations... he won, but please be respectful of the people who did not win... please be respectful of the people that are scared or hurting or are upset by how this election played out. You won, so why kick someone when they are down? Just be kind and humble... just remember what it felt like to lose and think of the respect you wanted then. If he was not your choice, just breathe. No amount of fighting, protesting, or ugly temper tantrums will change that. He won and sadly that means that you will have to deal with it. Stay active, stay involved, and continue to fight for your rights and what you believe, but just remember that there is a reason he won. Americans voted for him, so respect their choice. Do not call them hateful and terrible names... they are people too... they are your neighbor, your friend... they have just as much of a right to their opinion. Instead, try to find the positive things he might bring to the table which might explain why people voted for him. Give him a chance before you throw him to the wolves. Be gracious in this loss as the other side had to be in their previous losses... please remember that people are people. We all will live through this time together, so just try to be kind in the transition. Be gracious, be humble, be respectful, and love the people around you in your similarities AND your differences.
We will get a new president this month... and with him will come some changes, but we are responsible for daily life... He does not have the ability to impact each day we live and the way we approach it. We ALL have the ability to make changes and make this country a better place to live, but it starts in being kind to each other and building each other up. It starts by ending all of the hate and remembering how to love.
Monday, January 16, 2017
Wednesday, January 4, 2017
Finding Our Tribe
As a 20-something in this ever-changing world we are in the process of finding out who we are, where we are going, and who is going with us on this journey through life. On TV and in movies it all looks so simple... you find those best friends and you go through it all together. Yes you have your ups and downs and the times where it seems like you have grown apart, but at the end of the day you still always have each other. Real life isn't like that, however, I myself got into this mindset that all of those people who called me their best friend were really going to be life long friends, but I keep finding myself in the position of that "best friend" walking away and finding a better option.
I think that is something that we were never prepared for. We watched the group from "Friends" or any other sitcom you can ever think of and we saw them stick together for decades. For life... but in the real world, people move on. You no longer attend the same school or work in the same place or have to see each other consistently and people let go of those bonds. They find that new friend to eat lunch with every day or take on grand adventures on the weekends. I think part of growing up is bringing yourself to realize that it's okay. People will come and go, but that doesn't mean that you have done anything wrong... it just means that that friendship wasn't meant to last as long as you thought. It doesn't mean that you aren't enough or you weren't a good friend... It might just mean that you aren't as convenient and schedules don't permit, so they are choosing to invest their time in someone that they will be able to do life with.
Something I personally am working for in this new year is to be more aware of when those friendships are ending... to be able to recognize the friends that are my friends because it's convenient versus the friends that are going to make me a priority and stay in my life permanently. I find myself always picking the friends that are my friends because it is convenient and when the year is over and I am no longer convenient, they are gone. I am challenging myself and those around me to be realistic as far as the number of friendships we commit to and the level of commitment for each. I need to prioritize the friendships that make me a priority and invest in people who invest in me in return.
As I get older I am realizing that the best friendships are those that help you to grow. The best friendships are those that require you to walk the path together hand in hand. The best friendships are the ones that don't let go in the hard times, but actually hold on even harder. The best friendships are the ones full of encouragement that build each other up. So if you have that friend that never seems to be happy for you, is always tearing you down, or treats you like a last resort... just move on.
Being in your twenties is hard. It is when you are making the biggest life decisions while also changing and growing like crazy... This is the time to try new things, but this is also the time where it is okay to let things go that aren't making you happy. This is the time where you can find your people... but it might take a lot of people leaving to find the ones that are always going to be there... that's okay. Just let them go and keep moving forward. Being replaced hurts, but being stuck in a friendship that isn't making you the best you can be will hurt more in the long run.
The most important thing to remember in these years is to be happy. I'm not saying plaster on a smile and pretend nothing ever goes wrong, but I am saying that you should spend time with the people and doing the things that bring you joy. You want those people that you'll be laughing with at 80 year old and that will be there rain or shine. You deserve those people. You may have found those friends at a young age or you may still be searching, but it's okay. Just remember that it's okay to still be searching because no one has it all figured out. If you had told me a year ago what my friend group would be today and which people walked away, I would have laughed in your face. I would have never believed you... yet here we are and it's all okay.
I think that's the most important thing for us to remember... it's okay to keep moving forward. It doesn't mean you love those people any less than you did or you have any ill-will towards them. I still love and care about every single person that has been my friend along the way, but there's a reason they are in my past... I learned the lesson I needed to learn from each and moved forward. I firmly believe that you can learn something from each and every person that enters your life... some are meant to teach you one lesson and some are meant to teach you many... the lesson I'm learning in this season is that I'm thankful for the people who have been my friend because they helped make me the person I am today. I'm still searching for and refining my tribe... but I'm going to enjoy the journey.
I think that is something that we were never prepared for. We watched the group from "Friends" or any other sitcom you can ever think of and we saw them stick together for decades. For life... but in the real world, people move on. You no longer attend the same school or work in the same place or have to see each other consistently and people let go of those bonds. They find that new friend to eat lunch with every day or take on grand adventures on the weekends. I think part of growing up is bringing yourself to realize that it's okay. People will come and go, but that doesn't mean that you have done anything wrong... it just means that that friendship wasn't meant to last as long as you thought. It doesn't mean that you aren't enough or you weren't a good friend... It might just mean that you aren't as convenient and schedules don't permit, so they are choosing to invest their time in someone that they will be able to do life with.
Something I personally am working for in this new year is to be more aware of when those friendships are ending... to be able to recognize the friends that are my friends because it's convenient versus the friends that are going to make me a priority and stay in my life permanently. I find myself always picking the friends that are my friends because it is convenient and when the year is over and I am no longer convenient, they are gone. I am challenging myself and those around me to be realistic as far as the number of friendships we commit to and the level of commitment for each. I need to prioritize the friendships that make me a priority and invest in people who invest in me in return.
As I get older I am realizing that the best friendships are those that help you to grow. The best friendships are those that require you to walk the path together hand in hand. The best friendships are the ones that don't let go in the hard times, but actually hold on even harder. The best friendships are the ones full of encouragement that build each other up. So if you have that friend that never seems to be happy for you, is always tearing you down, or treats you like a last resort... just move on.
Being in your twenties is hard. It is when you are making the biggest life decisions while also changing and growing like crazy... This is the time to try new things, but this is also the time where it is okay to let things go that aren't making you happy. This is the time where you can find your people... but it might take a lot of people leaving to find the ones that are always going to be there... that's okay. Just let them go and keep moving forward. Being replaced hurts, but being stuck in a friendship that isn't making you the best you can be will hurt more in the long run.
The most important thing to remember in these years is to be happy. I'm not saying plaster on a smile and pretend nothing ever goes wrong, but I am saying that you should spend time with the people and doing the things that bring you joy. You want those people that you'll be laughing with at 80 year old and that will be there rain or shine. You deserve those people. You may have found those friends at a young age or you may still be searching, but it's okay. Just remember that it's okay to still be searching because no one has it all figured out. If you had told me a year ago what my friend group would be today and which people walked away, I would have laughed in your face. I would have never believed you... yet here we are and it's all okay.
I think that's the most important thing for us to remember... it's okay to keep moving forward. It doesn't mean you love those people any less than you did or you have any ill-will towards them. I still love and care about every single person that has been my friend along the way, but there's a reason they are in my past... I learned the lesson I needed to learn from each and moved forward. I firmly believe that you can learn something from each and every person that enters your life... some are meant to teach you one lesson and some are meant to teach you many... the lesson I'm learning in this season is that I'm thankful for the people who have been my friend because they helped make me the person I am today. I'm still searching for and refining my tribe... but I'm going to enjoy the journey.
Thursday, October 13, 2016
Eating disorders are not punchlines
Reposted from February 25th, 2016:
In case you didn't know, this week is National Eating Disorder awareness week. Usually I try hard to be light, pick a song title that fits well and make sure that I'm at least semi-funny (I'm not as funny as I think I am) when I do write... but this is a subject that is not funny. At all.
Eating disorders are not punchlines.
That joke you made about that girl "looking anorexic" isn't funny. IF that girl or anyone around you even WAS anorexic that joke would be slap in the face and would not help the situation at all. In addition someone who is skinny does not necessarily have an eating disorder. Along with that, you don't have to be skinny to have one. People with eating disorders don't wear signs or buttons to let you know. They are everywhere.
Eating disorders are not punchlines.
When you start talking about how throwing up all of your food is the solution to your problem or you make light of anything regarding that subject, please please remember that there are people out there that would give ANYTHING to keep their food down. There are people out there that would love to not want to throw up every time they eat. There are people who do, and bulimia is ruling their life.
Eating disorders are not punchlines.
To those of you that think that eating disorders are all super skinny people who are just insecure and don't eat anything, please remember that eating disorders come in all shapes, sizes, and degrees. To those of you that think that people who eat "normally" can't possibly have an eating disorder, I introduce binge eating disorder. Binge eating disorder is an eating disorder characterized by recurrent episodes of eating large quantities of food (often very quickly and to the point of discomfort); a feeling of a loss of control during the binge; experiencing shame, distress or guilt afterwards; and not regularly using unhealthy measures such as purging to counter the binge eating. Binge eating disorder is a severe, life-threatening and treatable eating disorder and is not something to take lightly. It isn't someone just eating their feelings or porking out.
Eating disorders are not punchlines.
This may all seem heavy and this may all seem dark, but just remember that every single time you make a joke about or make light of these very very real, life-threatening disorders, you are making light of something that is destroying a person around you. The most common jokes I hear are about anorexia, but all of them are hurtful and you never know the impact they will have on those you are speaking to. Those who are fighting eating disorders are not going to make it public knowledge, so they could be anyone. The person you are making that joke to could be fighting that horrible thing that you have made a punchline.
Eating disorders are not punchlines.
Eating disorders are not something you can simply talk someone out of. Telling someone that they are just being dumb and they look fine, does not change what the disorder is doing to their mind. Eating disorders change the way they see themselves in the mirror. Those that suffer from them sometimes even have imagined rolls of fat or imperfection that no one else may see, but to them it is all that they see. Eating disorders are not something that can be laughed off as crazy because to the people fighting them, they are very very real. They are horrible monsters that invade the mind and destroy from within.
Eating disorders are not punchlines.
Another common misconception about eating disorders is that there is some sort of magic fix-all cure and if the people would just do it, they would be fine. It's just not that easy. That person will have to fight those thoughts probably for the rest of their life. Seasons of hardship will often bring back symptoms which is why eating disorders are seasonal. There are months, weeks, days, years, or any possible length of time that can just be hard no matter how well the people seem to be doing. People aren't being stubborn or over-dramatic or attention-seeking when they deal with these issues. Real eating disorders are not something to be laughed off as people being overdramatic or a "I saw you eat last week. You're fine so stop being dumb." It seems crazy that anyone could ever say that, but I have heard it. The laughter didn't fix the problem.
Eating disorders are not punchlines.
I don't write this to make anyone feel guilty, uncomfortable, or upset... but I do write this to make you guys more understanding, compassionate, aware and educated.
I've told you a lot of things that eating disorders are NOT, but I'm going to tell you quite honestly what they ARE.
Eating disorders are like living a nightmare. They turn your own mind, eyes, and body against you. If you are having a bad day and eat even the smallest thing or the most fattening thing or whatever it may be, it can shut you down for the day. Eating disorders are like a monster planted in your brain that critique, evaluate, and condemn you for everything that goes into your mouth. You feel guilt, shame, disgust, and pain for eating things that the average person doesn't even think twice about. They can cripple you to the point where you are physically ill because you ate one thing that your mind did not like. They are deadly conditions that thrive in isolation. Frequently eating disorders and depression go hand in hand and feed off of one another. The best conditions for the eating disorder to dominate and destroy are in depressed people who feel alone and feel like no one cares about them. This explanation can probably help explain why they are prevalent in teenage girls, but can still be found in many populations and people groups. Eating disorders make you feel unworthy of love, friendship, attention, or kindness which can often lead to suicide. Eating disorders destroy lives and kill people. They change who the person is and transforms them into an unrecognizable person that is a shell of what they once were.
So please above all speak carefully and speak in love. It's okay to tell people who are fighting that God loves them. It is not okay to say, "Well God made you perfect, so are you doubting God?" Don't doubt their faith, but do inspire it. You can have faith and still be battling a health issue, so don't make it about that or about the sin aspect of it. Don't make them feel worse about the hardest battle of their lives... but do pray for them. Do hold their hand and tell them that you are there for them. Do go to meals with them, talk to them, laugh with them, and distract them from what is probably the hardest part of their days. If someone trusts you enough to open up to you about this very difficult subject that is almost taboo in our culture, please don't respond with judgment and condemnation. Don't respond with a joke or telling them that they are dumb to even think that. Just tell them that you love them and ask what they need. One person on their side, could make the difference. Knowing that there is one person out there who loves them, wants them, and is pulling for them could change everything. Having that one person who cares enough to ask how they can help and telling them they want to help them get better, could be the motivation. Sometimes its easier to fight if you know that there is someone who wants you to fight and wants you to stay in their lives.
I write this so that in this National Eating Disorder Awareness week and the other 51 weeks of the year, you will be able to help heal the hurting and lead them to a God that will hold them through anything. I write this so that you will be more understanding and loving when faced with these horrible disorders that most can't understand or fathom. I write this so that you can remind them that their worth is not in their body, the people around them, or even in themselves. Their worth is in Jesus Christ who sacrificed everything for them and if a perfect man and perfect God was willing to die for them, then they must be worth much more than they think. Remember that someone fighting this could be your neighbor, the guy across from you on the bus, your best friend... absolutely anyone.
Eating disorders are not punchlines, but they can be turned into a crazy ministry opportunity. Think before you speak and remember to speak in love.
Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. - 1 Samuel 16:7
In case you didn't know, this week is National Eating Disorder awareness week. Usually I try hard to be light, pick a song title that fits well and make sure that I'm at least semi-funny (I'm not as funny as I think I am) when I do write... but this is a subject that is not funny. At all.
Eating disorders are not punchlines.
That joke you made about that girl "looking anorexic" isn't funny. IF that girl or anyone around you even WAS anorexic that joke would be slap in the face and would not help the situation at all. In addition someone who is skinny does not necessarily have an eating disorder. Along with that, you don't have to be skinny to have one. People with eating disorders don't wear signs or buttons to let you know. They are everywhere.
Eating disorders are not punchlines.
When you start talking about how throwing up all of your food is the solution to your problem or you make light of anything regarding that subject, please please remember that there are people out there that would give ANYTHING to keep their food down. There are people out there that would love to not want to throw up every time they eat. There are people who do, and bulimia is ruling their life.
Eating disorders are not punchlines.
To those of you that think that eating disorders are all super skinny people who are just insecure and don't eat anything, please remember that eating disorders come in all shapes, sizes, and degrees. To those of you that think that people who eat "normally" can't possibly have an eating disorder, I introduce binge eating disorder. Binge eating disorder is an eating disorder characterized by recurrent episodes of eating large quantities of food (often very quickly and to the point of discomfort); a feeling of a loss of control during the binge; experiencing shame, distress or guilt afterwards; and not regularly using unhealthy measures such as purging to counter the binge eating. Binge eating disorder is a severe, life-threatening and treatable eating disorder and is not something to take lightly. It isn't someone just eating their feelings or porking out.
Eating disorders are not punchlines.
This may all seem heavy and this may all seem dark, but just remember that every single time you make a joke about or make light of these very very real, life-threatening disorders, you are making light of something that is destroying a person around you. The most common jokes I hear are about anorexia, but all of them are hurtful and you never know the impact they will have on those you are speaking to. Those who are fighting eating disorders are not going to make it public knowledge, so they could be anyone. The person you are making that joke to could be fighting that horrible thing that you have made a punchline.
Eating disorders are not punchlines.
Eating disorders are not something you can simply talk someone out of. Telling someone that they are just being dumb and they look fine, does not change what the disorder is doing to their mind. Eating disorders change the way they see themselves in the mirror. Those that suffer from them sometimes even have imagined rolls of fat or imperfection that no one else may see, but to them it is all that they see. Eating disorders are not something that can be laughed off as crazy because to the people fighting them, they are very very real. They are horrible monsters that invade the mind and destroy from within.
Eating disorders are not punchlines.
Another common misconception about eating disorders is that there is some sort of magic fix-all cure and if the people would just do it, they would be fine. It's just not that easy. That person will have to fight those thoughts probably for the rest of their life. Seasons of hardship will often bring back symptoms which is why eating disorders are seasonal. There are months, weeks, days, years, or any possible length of time that can just be hard no matter how well the people seem to be doing. People aren't being stubborn or over-dramatic or attention-seeking when they deal with these issues. Real eating disorders are not something to be laughed off as people being overdramatic or a "I saw you eat last week. You're fine so stop being dumb." It seems crazy that anyone could ever say that, but I have heard it. The laughter didn't fix the problem.
Eating disorders are not punchlines.
I don't write this to make anyone feel guilty, uncomfortable, or upset... but I do write this to make you guys more understanding, compassionate, aware and educated.
I've told you a lot of things that eating disorders are NOT, but I'm going to tell you quite honestly what they ARE.
Eating disorders are like living a nightmare. They turn your own mind, eyes, and body against you. If you are having a bad day and eat even the smallest thing or the most fattening thing or whatever it may be, it can shut you down for the day. Eating disorders are like a monster planted in your brain that critique, evaluate, and condemn you for everything that goes into your mouth. You feel guilt, shame, disgust, and pain for eating things that the average person doesn't even think twice about. They can cripple you to the point where you are physically ill because you ate one thing that your mind did not like. They are deadly conditions that thrive in isolation. Frequently eating disorders and depression go hand in hand and feed off of one another. The best conditions for the eating disorder to dominate and destroy are in depressed people who feel alone and feel like no one cares about them. This explanation can probably help explain why they are prevalent in teenage girls, but can still be found in many populations and people groups. Eating disorders make you feel unworthy of love, friendship, attention, or kindness which can often lead to suicide. Eating disorders destroy lives and kill people. They change who the person is and transforms them into an unrecognizable person that is a shell of what they once were.
So please above all speak carefully and speak in love. It's okay to tell people who are fighting that God loves them. It is not okay to say, "Well God made you perfect, so are you doubting God?" Don't doubt their faith, but do inspire it. You can have faith and still be battling a health issue, so don't make it about that or about the sin aspect of it. Don't make them feel worse about the hardest battle of their lives... but do pray for them. Do hold their hand and tell them that you are there for them. Do go to meals with them, talk to them, laugh with them, and distract them from what is probably the hardest part of their days. If someone trusts you enough to open up to you about this very difficult subject that is almost taboo in our culture, please don't respond with judgment and condemnation. Don't respond with a joke or telling them that they are dumb to even think that. Just tell them that you love them and ask what they need. One person on their side, could make the difference. Knowing that there is one person out there who loves them, wants them, and is pulling for them could change everything. Having that one person who cares enough to ask how they can help and telling them they want to help them get better, could be the motivation. Sometimes its easier to fight if you know that there is someone who wants you to fight and wants you to stay in their lives.
I write this so that in this National Eating Disorder Awareness week and the other 51 weeks of the year, you will be able to help heal the hurting and lead them to a God that will hold them through anything. I write this so that you will be more understanding and loving when faced with these horrible disorders that most can't understand or fathom. I write this so that you can remind them that their worth is not in their body, the people around them, or even in themselves. Their worth is in Jesus Christ who sacrificed everything for them and if a perfect man and perfect God was willing to die for them, then they must be worth much more than they think. Remember that someone fighting this could be your neighbor, the guy across from you on the bus, your best friend... absolutely anyone.
Eating disorders are not punchlines, but they can be turned into a crazy ministry opportunity. Think before you speak and remember to speak in love.
Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. - 1 Samuel 16:7
Wednesday, August 24, 2016
Welcome!
Hello!
I don't know if anyone is reading this or if anyone will read this. I don't know if I will ever share this with anyone, but if you are reading this... welcome! I have always loved writing and used it as an escape. With every year, I gain stronger opinions and a growing desire to speak out. Every couple of years I make a new blog, but it always ends up being more of a personal venting place about my life. That is not my purpose for this one at all. This is to talk about the good, the important, and the bigger things in life. I feel like the internet is full of 20 something year old women whining about men, heartbreak, and all of those sappy sad quotes that we all have read so so many times. I don't want to be that. I don't want this blog to be that. I want this blog to be relevant, accessible, and since it is me... most likely a little sarcastic. In short, I want to write about and share the thoughts of a perfectly average young adult in an everchanging and crazy world.
I don't know if anyone is reading this or if anyone will read this. I don't know if I will ever share this with anyone, but if you are reading this... welcome! I have always loved writing and used it as an escape. With every year, I gain stronger opinions and a growing desire to speak out. Every couple of years I make a new blog, but it always ends up being more of a personal venting place about my life. That is not my purpose for this one at all. This is to talk about the good, the important, and the bigger things in life. I feel like the internet is full of 20 something year old women whining about men, heartbreak, and all of those sappy sad quotes that we all have read so so many times. I don't want to be that. I don't want this blog to be that. I want this blog to be relevant, accessible, and since it is me... most likely a little sarcastic. In short, I want to write about and share the thoughts of a perfectly average young adult in an everchanging and crazy world.
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