As a 20-something in this ever-changing world we are in the process of finding out who we are, where we are going, and who is going with us on this journey through life. On TV and in movies it all looks so simple... you find those best friends and you go through it all together. Yes you have your ups and downs and the times where it seems like you have grown apart, but at the end of the day you still always have each other. Real life isn't like that, however, I myself got into this mindset that all of those people who called me their best friend were really going to be life long friends, but I keep finding myself in the position of that "best friend" walking away and finding a better option.
I think that is something that we were never prepared for. We watched the group from "Friends" or any other sitcom you can ever think of and we saw them stick together for decades. For life... but in the real world, people move on. You no longer attend the same school or work in the same place or have to see each other consistently and people let go of those bonds. They find that new friend to eat lunch with every day or take on grand adventures on the weekends. I think part of growing up is bringing yourself to realize that it's okay. People will come and go, but that doesn't mean that you have done anything wrong... it just means that that friendship wasn't meant to last as long as you thought. It doesn't mean that you aren't enough or you weren't a good friend... It might just mean that you aren't as convenient and schedules don't permit, so they are choosing to invest their time in someone that they will be able to do life with.
Something I personally am working for in this new year is to be more aware of when those friendships are ending... to be able to recognize the friends that are my friends because it's convenient versus the friends that are going to make me a priority and stay in my life permanently. I find myself always picking the friends that are my friends because it is convenient and when the year is over and I am no longer convenient, they are gone. I am challenging myself and those around me to be realistic as far as the number of friendships we commit to and the level of commitment for each. I need to prioritize the friendships that make me a priority and invest in people who invest in me in return.
As I get older I am realizing that the best friendships are those that help you to grow. The best friendships are those that require you to walk the path together hand in hand. The best friendships are the ones that don't let go in the hard times, but actually hold on even harder. The best friendships are the ones full of encouragement that build each other up. So if you have that friend that never seems to be happy for you, is always tearing you down, or treats you like a last resort... just move on.
Being in your twenties is hard. It is when you are making the biggest life decisions while also changing and growing like crazy... This is the time to try new things, but this is also the time where it is okay to let things go that aren't making you happy. This is the time where you can find your people... but it might take a lot of people leaving to find the ones that are always going to be there... that's okay. Just let them go and keep moving forward. Being replaced hurts, but being stuck in a friendship that isn't making you the best you can be will hurt more in the long run.
The most important thing to remember in these years is to be happy. I'm not saying plaster on a smile and pretend nothing ever goes wrong, but I am saying that you should spend time with the people and doing the things that bring you joy. You want those people that you'll be laughing with at 80 year old and that will be there rain or shine. You deserve those people. You may have found those friends at a young age or you may still be searching, but it's okay. Just remember that it's okay to still be searching because no one has it all figured out. If you had told me a year ago what my friend group would be today and which people walked away, I would have laughed in your face. I would have never believed you... yet here we are and it's all okay.
I think that's the most important thing for us to remember... it's okay to keep moving forward. It doesn't mean you love those people any less than you did or you have any ill-will towards them. I still love and care about every single person that has been my friend along the way, but there's a reason they are in my past... I learned the lesson I needed to learn from each and moved forward. I firmly believe that you can learn something from each and every person that enters your life... some are meant to teach you one lesson and some are meant to teach you many... the lesson I'm learning in this season is that I'm thankful for the people who have been my friend because they helped make me the person I am today. I'm still searching for and refining my tribe... but I'm going to enjoy the journey.
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